Wednesday, June 20, 2012

The Hoarding Mother; graduation party

So my daughter had her high school graduation party this past weekend. My mother, who has the Hoffman Hoard in the Mitten and is working on another in the great state of Virginia, emailed to say she was going to "try" to make the party. She would be driving from Virginia which is about 5.5 hours via car from my home. She also needed to know of some nearby, inexpensive hotels where she could stay. I've long ago given up trying to appease her need to be begged with to "stay" or participate in any family gathering, thus I provided her with several options. One was a Motel 8; her reply, "I've heard those are nasty filthy".  Yes, the hoarder has standards that apply to everyone except her. Another reason for her to not stay in my 3,300 sq ft home, and she didn't say a word to me, but spread it to others, my in-laws were already staying here. She doesn't like them, go figure.  She also ran her little Nellie Negative tongue about having to see my college room mate and her family. She just can't give up a comment made by an 18 year old kid 30 years ago about my  sisters' (ages 12 and 13) behavior. OMG, get over it already.

The evening before the party, she calls from the road. She is "somewhere" in North Carolina. Incapable of telling me how long she has been in the state, what road she is on or what town she is near. She has driven here before, there are only three roads needed to navigate. She has a GPS, but no one will show her how to use it, so she is going to use her OnStar; but she doesn't like those bitches because they won't stay online and talk to her for the entire journey. I ask her if she is going to stop by the house. She can't because she is sweaty, stinks and needs a shower, but I can call her at the hotel which is about 6 miles from my house. I tell her that I'll just see her the next morning.

Next morning, she calls sounding terribly pitiful and on the verge of death. She doesn't know what she ate, but has a case of diarrhea and has been puking since arriving at the hotel. I tell her she can go back to bed and get some rest or come to the house and rest here. She has to think about it. Four hours later she drives up in her Chevy HHR; that car is a whole other topic. She waddles out, acting all cripple, feeble and helpless.  She wrinkled her nose at the food being served; sub sandwiches, baked mac n cheese and a nice selection of vegetarian Indian food. She tried a bit of a samosa giving it "stink face" the whole time. After about one hour, her HHR pulls out of the driveway. Not one word to me, just leaves.  I guess she did say good-bye to my daughter, telling her that she was going to be sick. A whole hour; we made bets before she arrived at how long it would take her to throw a snit and storm out. Thankfully there was no scene this time.

The next morning I called to see if she was going to stop by.  Ha, she was already on the road half-way back to Virginia. So much for a wasted trip.

Does your hoarder have some of these issues?

  • Negative attitude toward everyone
  • Cannot give up or forgive transgression from decades ago
  • Pretends to be helpless
  • Has tantrums and storms away
  • Leaves without saying goodbye
  • Will not try new things


  1. It just occurred to me reading this that the tendency to hoard things also extends to hoarding grudges. How sad.

    I found you from .

    1. Thank you for reading. I adore MILbetweenus. She encouraged me to starrt blogging. If you have any suggestions for improvement or micro topics please let me know.

  2. Hi Whit - my ex is OCPD and a hoarder in progress. Control freak 'r us.

    So sad your mother cannot "get past" her issues. I would say it hurts her more than it hurts you and your family, but I know from personal experience this is not the case.

    1. Goddess,

      I'm at a place in the process that whatever she does, is more an observation of human batshitcrazy, that I am detached from. She, for the most part, is neither a good nor a bad thing. She just "is". If that makes any sense.

      Thanks for reading,